Afternoon sickness
by Savior 8801
Summary: Post FFDM: Ivy wakes up one morning to a nasty surprise. Can Rachel and Jenks talk her out of a huge mistake? Rachel/Ivy
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Kim Harrison's work.

**Part 1**

I was in ecstasy.

There was no other way to put it. My body was on fire, my every nerve tingling with waves of passion with every powerful thrust of my hips. Muscles made unnaturally powerful by the virus that moulded me for the past thirty years, and further reinforced by the power poured into me through the bond with my master, rippled in time with my burning need. I demanded to take him, deeper, harder, faster, and my body made him obey my every egotistical whim.

_Yes... take him. Take all of him, Ivy-girl._ I sensed Piscary's approval in my mind, his influence slick over my soul like dirty oil, sullying me just as it made me more whole than I could ever be on my own, making me accept and embrace my monstrous nature.

The hunger for his blood, for complete, utter possession, beat against my sweat-glistening skin, pulsing in time with my hammering heartbeat, cold, hard, uncaring, animalistic and savage. I welcomed it like an old friend, my hard-earned control little more than a distant memory. I reared back, unable to hold myself in check any longer, my mouth opened as I prepared to strike. Viciously, like a snake snatching its prey, I lashed out, my fangs easily slicing into his neck. Rough stubble scraped against my cheek as he clutched me to his chest, my mouth working his throat, pulling his exquisite blood from his veins, my bite heightening every sensation for both of us, bringing the sex to a whole other level. He throbbed inside of me. His hips buckled underneath me, driving him deeper still, all thoughts of tenderness or care absent. His heart pounded hard against my chest as I crushed myself into him, hard enough to make his bones creak in protest, wanting to join our bodies completely as I consumed him.

_Yes... yes, give in. This is what you are._ I couldn't tell if the thoughts were mine or Piscary's. I couldn't care, either. Only the growing pleasure, the intense heat, the savage satisfaction, the domination mattered. Only I mattered, the selfish whore, the animal who used him, took him in ways that were little more honourable than rape. I pulled and pounded and clawed and bit until he tightened his grip, hard and stiff enough to snap a more fragile woman in two. My spine protested and deep bruises bloomed, but I was beyond caring. I tossed my head back, his arms around me unable to restrain me, screaming in climax as I did, drowning him out. His nails scraped roughly against my thighs and my buttocks as his own climax took him, leaving deep, bloody gouges, the pain delicious against the overwhelming bliss that tore me apart. I screamed and screamed until my throat was too raw for me to go on and the pleasure finally receded and I could think and breathe again. I slumped down over a burning, muscular chest, a glooming silence echoing deafeningly within it.

_Good girl... _Piscary's voice echoed in my thoughts, just as I took in the dead blue eyes of the man underneath me, the blond hair I loved so much, the carefully controlled stubble growing on his cheeks, the complete lack of movement of his well-defined chest. The torn mess of his neck, that looked more like the aftermath of a Were attack than a vampire bite.

"Kist..." I felt a sob coming, and brought my hands to my mouth reflexively to stifle it, my hand twitching away without any impulse from me at the feel of warm blood on my lips and mouth. The sickly warmth wasn't just present on my face, it covered me almost entirely.

"Kisten, no..." I sobbed in earnest, my hands pounding at his chest in agony, leaving bloody handprints on the pristine skin there. My touch corrupted his beauty, just like it always did; I killed everyone I loved. It was the way of things, and now Kisten had fallen prey to it.

_I killed Kist... I killed Kisten._

I welcomed the heartache and the pain, companions that would never leave me again, the burden a monster like me should rightfully carry, embraced it and made it a part of my soul. Just as I did, just as the pain became too intense for me to even consider going on living, my consciousness rushed back into my body, lying in a familiar bed, wrapped in tangled black silk and drenched with sweat. Even through the thin line between reality and dream, I could still taste the copper of Kisten's last blood coating my mouth. Shaking, my body weak and tired like I had just come down with the flu, I realised I was quite close to being sick.

Bile quickly rose in my throat like a tide, vertigo making the world spin as I stumbled out of bed, a klutziness that was totally atypical for me making my movements jerky and imprecise. I almost bashed down my own bedroom door before I managed to get it open, and flung myself into my bathroom just in time to empty my stomach into the black porcelain toilet. Again and again, my belly heaved as my body stubbornly refused to be put back under control, determined to leave me empty.

"Fuck," I swore feebly, the rare curse slipping past my defiled lips, repeated over and over again. I was too weak to even stand, my arms clinging to the black porcelain the only thing that kept me even somewhat upright, just long enough to unload more foulness into the reddish water. There was blood in the bowl, but revolting as the taste was, I knew it wasn't mine, but a leftover from my last tryst my body hadn't yet metabolized.

Eventually, my stomach emptied, leaving me feeling hollow and drained on my cold floor, my naked legs sprawled underneath me holding roughly the same strength as limp noodles. I was in as undignified a position as I had ever been, and waiting for my body to recover so I could stand gave me time to ponder my recent nightmare.

It had been three weeks since we found Kisten's lifeless body on his boat. Three weeks of hell since I'd lost the man who had been my foundation for the better part of my life. Three weeks of wondering if I'd been the one to do it, despite Rachel's assurances that I wasn't his murderer. How could she know? How could she be so sure? I knew what they did together. I remembered the stab of white hot betrayal I felt in Kist's bedroom when Rachel told me about the caps he'd given her for her birthday. How could she know I hadn't acted rashly and murdered him in a fit of blind, jealous rage? She couldn't, and that uncertainty about the blood on my hands had gnawed at me for all those endless hours my life had spent on hold.

_Three weeks... _I realised the significance in a wash of cold dread, my eyes widening in horror. Three weeks since Kisten's death, and now that dream, too vivid to be a dream, of me and him, just before I spilled my guts out. It couldn't be... I could not be...

The fear giving me strength, I stood up and reached into my cabinet, past carefully ordered medicine, for a small box I never thought I would have to open. A small ovoid device with a digital display over one side and a single button over one end, a yellow safety cap on the other, fell into my hand. I promptly tore away the clear plastic wrap and read the instructions off the box. A finger stick, not unlike those Rachel used for spelling, pierced a tiny wound into my finger, and I touched the small crimson drop that welled up to the device. It took several tries, my hand shaking too badly for me to even do something as menial as this.

_God, no, please let it be the flu, not... Not this, please, not this. _I prayed frantically, but I was in vain. A tiny plus sign appeared on the display. Positive.

My breath whooshed out of me as if someone had struck me. It was positive.

I was pregnant. And the father was almost assuredly my deceased friend. And Rachel's deceased boyfriend.

A short bark of embittered, hysterical laughter slipped from me, changing into a choking sob as I recoiled away from the sink, where the test now rested, as innocuous and merciful as the descending blade of a guillotine. I couldn't even remember it, but it had to be true. The days following Piscary's release from jail were, at best, a jumbled mess I didn't want to make head or tail of, but I'd only slept with Skimmer in the weeks before, and I had only dated another woman afterwards. It was the only explanation.

_I'm pregnant with Kist's baby. I'm pregnant with Kist's baby._ I hammered the hated thought home, finding no way to voice it that didn't make my empty stomach churn. This was wrong on so many levels. Kisten had been more of a brother to me than a lover in the past few years, the passion between us long extinguished, save for a friendly bite now and then. This practically felt like incest, even if we had, at one point, been engaged. Worse, he'd been dating my best friend/hopeful blood partner/prospective scion for months, and now, now I'd gone and betrayed her as well.

And that child... good God. I slid down the wall into a heap of limbs, the guilt and anguish burdening me too much to take. The simple fact was that I couldn't do it. It took all I had to simply take care of myself. I couldn't have a child depend on me as well. An emotionally stunted vampire who was balanced on the razor's edge half the time could not be a mother. It would be completely irresponsible of me to do so. And how could I bring my son or daughter into this world, knowing the ugliness that awaited, the monstrous society that would swallow it whole, twist innocence and desire to live into a perverse emptiness, all for the sick enjoyment of those who claimed to protect us? I couldn't do it, not to my own flesh and blood. It was too cruel. Better to never be born than live only to be warped into a monster. I'd been through enough of that for the both of us

Yet even as the cold, rational part of me told me it was for the best if that baby never saw the light of day, I felt a part of my soul die just thinking those thoughts. The reality was that, as impossible to envision as it was, I did want children, and the mother in me cried in agony. Try as I might to hold them back, my own eyes slowly filled with sympathizing tears. The whole situation was just too messed up, even for my rather eventful life, but I had to shake myself out of this stupor. I needed to focus on centering myself, and push thoughts of doctor's appointments and means of keeping words of my abortion from reaching my mother's ears away.

And I was failing miserably, if the anguished whimper that escaped me was any indication. Damn it all to hell, I didn't want to do this. In a perfect world, maybe I might not have to, but my world was anything but perfect.

"Tink's slutty little dress, it smells like a charnel house in here! Ivy! Rache! You guys okay?" I made out Jenks voice from outside the bathroom, but I felt too numb, too drained, both physically and emotionally, to pull myself in a more dignified position. It was all I could do to flush down the ignoble contents of the toilet while Jenks checked up on Rachel, and woke her up, by the sound of it.

"Ivy, you naked in there? You okay" The tiny man spoke frantically through the bathroom door.

"I'm fine." I answered in so ragged a voice that he instantly darted inside.

"Holy fairy crap!" He shrilled as he took sight of me pathetically trying to stand, "Rache, get in here!" He shouted as he started flitting in front of me, dusting heavily as he did. "What happened? You were attacked? Are you hurt? Crap, RACHE, GET OFF YOUR ASS! YESTERDAY, WITCH!"

"I told you, I'm fine, bug! Leave me alone." I hissed, not wanting to share my misery with Rachel. She was hurting enough already because of Kisten's death, she did not need to learn of our indiscretion, not when she was just starting to recover.

"What happened to you?" He stubbornly repeated, "What's that?" He asked, spotting the pregnancy test. "There's some of your blood on it..." He landed next to it, sniffing and poking at it madly. "Is that what I think it is? You..." He spun around, his whole face lit up, a smile that seemed too big for his body swallowing his face. "You're pregnant!"

Maybe it was the joy he displayed, or simply the way it contrasted with the numbness of my soul, but the dam cracked just then. Huge sobs wracked me as I lost all trace of emotional control. I buried my face in my arms, unable to bear looking at his joy. He looked like I should be feeling, and yet here I was, crying like there was no tomorrow. Some vampire I was this afternoon...

"Rache, I don't know what's wrong with her!" He said, panicked, making me look up at the red-headed witch I never noticed coming in. "I came in and there she was, sprawled on the floor like that! I think maybe she's pregnant, but when I asked, she just... freaked!"

"She's..." was Rachel's only answer. She picked up the test and stared at it for a long moment before stealing a quick glance at me, the pieces of the puzzle clearly coming together in her head.

"Out!" She barked at Jenks, startling me and him both. Her voice was tight with anger, and I felt what was left of my heart sink. She knew.

"But..." Jenks started to protest.

"OUT NOW! Girl talk, no four inches tall jerk is invited! Out, out, out!"

Jenks stared at her, mouth agape, for several seconds, shocked into a rare moment of silence by the witch's aggressiveness. He finally took flight, muttering something about crazy hysterical lunkers as he went, and Rachel slammed the door behind him. I could smell her anger and hear her heart pound, but the virus that made me crave blood was presently busy shaping the burgeoning life in me, and Rachel, for once, didn't stir me that particular way. If I kept the baby, for the thirteen months my pregnancy would last, I knew the hunger would leave me, if only temporally.

Yeah, vampire pregnancies last an unreal thirteen months. Humans don't even know how lucky they are sometimes... No wonder most vampire families only have two kids.  
_  
God, don't even think about keeping it_, I berated myself, _it'll only make it harder to do what you have to._

"Stupid little prick." Rachel muttered, her back still turned to me. "You can sure be the most insensitive bastard around when you put your mind to it." She inhaled sharply and slowly let it out. "It's for real, isn't it?" She asked more calmly, her emotions unreadable. Her previous anger covered up anything I might discern in the air.

"Yes." I whispered, averting my eyes, primarily because I could hardly bear to look at her knowing how I'd betrayed her, but also because she was wearing nothing but a tank top and panties, and try as I might, I wasn't made of stone, and I didn't want my eyes to dilate. My own attire wasn't much better, my robe not being too high on my list of priorities when I woke up about to vomit, and my silken nightgown revealed more skin than she would probably be comfortable with under normal circumstances. She didn't seem to mind too much, however.

"Kisten's the father, isn't he?" She asked mildly. "It's the only way you could have not seen this coming."

"I think so. Rachel, I... I'm sorry." I said, shivers of intense cold running through me.

"Sorry? For what?" She asked, stepping closer and kneeling next to me. She observed me quietly for a few seconds, her eyes shimmering with emotions, her hand almost scalding hot where it rested on my bare, clammy shoulder. She shocked me to hell and back when she moved the back of her hand to my cheek and then my forehead.

"God, you're freezing." She stated, and fetched me one of my towels. She carefully wrapped it around me, the cotton feeling a little rough after the brief touch of her skin against mine. My wide eyes were slowly going black as I tracked her, almost bewildered by her boldness, but they didn't deter her from sitting next to me on the tile floor. Quite close to me. Close enough to wrap a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"Is this too much to take?" She asked with quiet concern as she sensed how tense I was.

_Is this a dream?_ I wondered, unwilling to believe this. She was relaxed. Touching me and relaxed. It was almost too much to take, indeed.

"Stop looking at me like I'm an alien, would you?" She chided, and I realised I'd been staring. "You look like crap, and blood is probably the last thing on your mind right now, but I just want to make sure, 'kay?"

"It's fine." I murmured, letting the warmth and comfort of her presence soak into me and loosen the wire-tightness of my muscles, if only a little. My nostrils flared as I breathed in her scent, taking advantage of my jumbled instincts and lack of bloodlust to appreciate it without fearing to rip out her throat in consequence. She was simply intoxicating, a wonderful lack of fear in her scent making my heart flutter. Sadness, the scent evoking images of light rain and damp grass, but not fear. It almost made me cry again.

Why is it that we only come together when one of us hits rock bottom?

"I'm not sure if this is a dream or a nightmare, Rachel. How can you comfort me, knowing that I..." I choked, unable to admit my crime out loud.

"He didn't cheat on me. You didn't betray me either." She reassured me, her grip tightening. "Don't worry about that."

"You're not angry." I said, too stunned to feel relief. Jealousy was one of my glaring weaknesses, and I knew that if I were in her shoes, I'd be out of my mind with anger.

"I was at first. God, I wanted to scream, just a minute ago, but then I started thinking... You were under Piscary's control when it happened, weren't you?"

"Yes." I answered hesitantly. An almost intangible tension left Rachel as I did.

"So it was his idea, not yours. And I saw Kisten that day at Piscary's." She continued. "He was so desperate it hurt to see. If Piscary told him to sleep with you in exchange for a chance to live, he would have done it." Rachel eyed me compassionately, a sad shadow of a smile on her lips. "You both did what you had to survive. I can't really resent you for that, can I?"

I felt a great weight being lifted off my shoulders. She understood. She didn't hate me for being pregnant with her dead boyfriend. Maybe I could get through this without losing everything I loved.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"You know what they say about friends; they're always ready to let you cry on their shoulder. Best friends already have a stake ready for the bastard who made you cry. That's me in case you need me to spell it out." She swatted at my arm and shook her head. "You're still a dumbass, though. Thanks for the vote of confidence. I can't believe you thought I'd be angry with you."

"You would have a right to. I'm so sorry about this, Rachel."

"Would you please stop apologising? You don't have to. I don't resent you, let it go already."

"But you..." She shot me a pointed look, and I let the matter slip.

"So what do you do now? Do you keep it or not?"

"No, I don't." I murmured, my throat so clogged with anguish I could hardly breathe. "I'll set up an appointment and-" I begun to say, but hurricane Jenks stopped me dead in my track.

"Whaaaaat! No, you can't! You can't do that, Ivy!" He burst into the bathroom, an horrified look marring his youthful face. "That's murder! Fucking M-U-R-D-E-R! You can't just snuff out her life like that! It's not right!"

"What the- Jenks, I told you to get out of here!"

"It's not alive yet, Jenks. So far, it's nothing more than a handful of cells in my womb." I reasoned half-heartedly. So easy to rationalize it, so hard to believe it; if it was that simple, then why did it hurt me so damn much just to think about it?

"You're wrong! You can't-"

"Jenks, I did tell you to get out of here, didn't I?" Rachel cut him off, her annoyance at the outraged pixy obvious.

"Ra-a-ache, you gotta talk some sense into her before she kills her baby! Come on, you can't go along with this!"

"We're not done talking yet, and it's her decision, not yours, got it? Now, get out of here, and don't eavesdrop this time!"

Rachel pointed at the door, and, defeated, Jenks flew out once more, but not before muttering a last "it's wrong". We both watched him leave, the dust he trailed dull and heavy, reflecting his mood.

"He's right, you know."

I thought for a second she had said that only for Jenks' benefit. I was wrong.

"He's right, but not for the reasons he thinks." Rachel stated as she shut the door again. "I think it's wrong for you. I don't need to smell emotions to know that it's tearing you up even worse to think about abortion than about being pregnant." She said, whacking the proverbial nail on the head. "You do want to keep that child, don't you?"

"It's not about what I want, Rachel, it's about doing the right thing."

"This isn't doing the right thing!"

"Letting that child be born his the wrong thing to do!" I hissed, feeling my eyes dilating. I was starting to pull a reflexive aura, pointless though it was. She had gained an ungodly ability to shrug it off during the time we spent living together. "Hypocrite. You're as bad as Jenks."

"Hypocrite, me? If you could give me one reason, just one good reason why you can't listen to your heart for once, I'd tell you to go ahead, but you..." Understanding dawned on her face. She sighed, weariness quickly replacing comprehension. "This is so typical you. You do know that whatever hurts you isn't necessarily right, right?"

"I know that." I said through gritted teeth, trying to rein in my temper. "I'm not masochistic."

"Could've fooled me." She scowled at me. "Seems like your typical "I don't deserve anything good" bullshit."

"Deserve?" I spat. "I'll tell you something about deserving, witch. That that child doesn't deserve to be raised, no, _bred_, for the enjoyment of whatever master will own it. Why don't you understand that I can't put my own flesh and blood through the same pain I went through, Rachel?! Forget those stupid myths about vampires turning newborns baby, my child will be born a vampire. The same curse will flow through its veins. "

A shadow had fallen over her face at my words, an ugly thing that made me wish the last minute or so had never happened. I longed for the comfort and proximity we just had. "I think you have us confused with each other, because I'm the one who can't have kids, Ivy." She said simply. "No matter how I may want to, each of them would unavoidably inherit one thing from me, my abilities. And you know what? That would make every child of mine a blip on the demons' radar, because they'd make perfect little familiars." Her stare turned hard; if she were a vampire, her eyes would have been fully dilated. A new edge of steel crept into her voice. "So you can go Turn yourself, you and your _hypocritical _little hang-ups, Ivy. Being a vampire isn't something to be ashamed of; you're the one who makes it so. As for your very dear, very _dead_, master, maybe once upon a time he made it inconceivable for you to have children, but that's not true anymore. It stopped being true when Piscary died and you started belonging to yourself again. Your mother won't show that kind of interest in her grandchildren! It's sick, even for a dead vamp, and you know it! So if you want that child, stop balking and be the world's greatest mom, just like you're meant to be. Spit in Piscary's face, wherever the hell it is, and be as happy as you _deserve _to be." She hammered the last words with a conviction that I wished I shared.

I didn't point out that the odds of my mother becoming the next master of the city were somewhere between slim and nil. Rachel didn't know yet that arrangements had been made years ago for Rynn Cormel to take over Piscary's camarilla, at least as long as I, the one Piscary had chosen to succeed him, was breathing. I suspected things could get heated when that happened, but I didn't have a clue what kind of undead I would become, or if the kind of ambition and desire for power required for ruling over a camarilla would carry over from my mortal life.

Cross that bridge when you get there... I reminded myself, knowing there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

Still, I wasn't looking forward to his arrival, to be honest. The man was giving up his seventh term as president of the United States to come here, and no matter how I put it, it didn't make sense. Not unless he had an interest in something that could only be found in Cinci, and Rachel was one of those things. The Focus was another, but David I honestly wasn't truly worried about. He could handle himself, even without the demon curse lending him power, better than any Were I'd ever met.

However, Rachel was making sense, in a way. I wasn't used to Piscary's absence yet. Maybe, just maybe, my child would be safe from harm. I didn't think Cormel was old enough yet, being under a century, to have lost all traces of humanity, like Piscary had. Maybe, maybe, maybe... I didn't need possibilities; I needed certainties, confirmations, facts, damnit!

"Take Kisten, Piscary, your mom, hell, take me out of the equation." Rachel rambled on. "It's just about you and your child; do you honestly want to go through with this?"

"I... I don't know." I said, feeling myself weakening. I wanted to be convinced. God, how I wanted to, but I couldn't just sweep half a lifetime of pain and misery under the rug. "I'm scared." I admitted finally, swallowing the tattered remnants of my pride. "I did things, things I'm not proud of. And Piscary... even if he's not alive anymore, I can't erase what he's done to me. He warped me, Rachel. How am I supposed to care for a child when I'm nothing but a..."

"A monster?" She said, her face softening as she knelt in front of me. I nodded. "What's it going to take for you to stop believing that?" Slowly, as if she were scared of startling me, she cradled my face in her hands. "You're not a monster. I've seen the monsters, Ivy, and you have too. You're a far cry from them. You've got more than enough love to give. I know." Her thumb slowly brushed away a lone tear. "I know you, Ivy Tamwood. You're a good person."

"I'm scared, Rachel." I repeated softly, looking her directly in the eyes, the raw emotions I displayed making her, for the first time, uncomfortable, but she didn't pull away from me.

"Typical sign of a good mother if you ask me." A tiny voice piped in from the other side of the door, making both our heads whip to the side.

"JENKS! For the last time, I said no pixies!" Rachel shouted in Jenks' general direction, but the pixy slipped in before she could do anything about it, and came to hover near the ceiling, out of her reach.

"I'm sorry, okay?!" He shouted right back. "It never crossed my mind that it might be bad news! It happened plenty of times in my life, and it was always a damn happy moment. Tinks' diaphragm, Rache, I didn't know it was Kisten's kid, and I didn't have a clue she was this scared of having children! Give me a break!"

Rachel's mouth worked wordlessly as she tried to come up with a reply, ending up huffing in annoyance and crossing her arms defiantly, a brooding expression on her face. If I hadn't been in such a lousy shape, I would have had a hard time keeping a smile off my face. I had it bad for her, there was no denying it.

"You're scared, but not of losing your materialistic lifestyle or your stupid career or every other moronic reason you lunkers have for not wanting children." He continued softly, his very green eyes fixed directly on my pitch black ones. "You're afraid of not being a good mom. You give a damn, Ivy, and I know what that means. Hell, Matie was just like you every time she got knocked up, right up to the last time. She'd always rant on and on about how worried she was about our available food or how rough the winter might be, and look at her, she's a great mother, just like I'm sure you'll be! Tinks' dusty panties, Ivy, if we did make it on our own, with only a few sickly flowerpots as a home, you can too. Are you telling me your baby won't have all she needs and won't be protected and loved by everyone around her? What more can a child need?"

I wanted to believe. Hope was ever the cruel mistress, and she had not once, in all my life, showed me leniency. Yet here I was, falling for her tricks all over again.

"There's still one problem." I breathed, my eyes fixed intently on the red-headed witch. "I can't take you out of the equation, Rachel. You know that." The last was little more than a whisper of breath. I expected Rachel to be made uncomfortable by the reminder of my feelings for her, but she only nodded and smiled shyly, and plopped unceremoniously next to me again.

"I wouldn't leave because of that, you know. And who says you can't stay here because of this? We have the floor space for another roomie. Go, home improvement!" She smiled at me, the most honest, beautiful smile I'd seen on her face in weeks. "Looks like you're running out of excuses here, Ivy."

"Can't wait to meet her." Jenks agreed, earning himself a puzzled look from me and Rachel.

"Her?" I asked, only now noticing that he kept referring to my child as "her" and "she". My heart swelled painfully with emotion. Even more than a child, I always wanted a daughter, ever since I held my baby sister for the first time, years ago. It might be stupid and childish, but it was my most guarded, unreachable dream, and now, if I only had the courage... "You can tell already?"

"You bet your ass I can tell." He said smugly. "Maybe you guys don't have a nose worth crushed fairy balls, but I sure do."

I chewed thoughtfully on my lower lip, utterly torn between the cynicism that had ruled my adult life so far, and the hope that I could make tomorrow vastly different from today. Renewal. To make something good come out of Kist's death and to truly make something of myself, here, with people who loved me. With Rachel, who, for now, loved me, if not in the way I wanted, at least in the way I needed. With a baby, a baby girl, no less, that I would love with all my heart.

"I think we're having a baby, Jenks." Rachel said as a shadow of a smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. A single tear of joy slipped down her cheek.

"Damn, woman, of course we are! And it's gonna be great, too, just you wait!"


	2. Part 2

I still don't own 'em...

**Part 2**

(Twenty months later, Rachel's POV) Ravy warning!

I was having an okay, if a little boring and lonely, afternoon until a baby vampire named Rebecca Tamwood woke up.

Now, don't get me wrong. I loved Becky with all my heart, just like I would my own daughter. I don't think Al, Minias could resist her. She was cute enough to make a dead vampire cry, and as long as her mom was around, she behaved better than any child her age I'd ever met, but the more time I spent alone with her, the more convinced I was she didn't like me the way I adored her.

Why would you think so, you ask? I'm so lovable, right? Well, maybe because every time I picked her up, she started wailing like crazy. Every. Damn. Time. And since I babysat for Ivy a lot, like I was now, that could turn into a real nuisance. Fortunately, since God had some major sucking up to do to every vampire woman he ever subjected to a thirteen months long pregnancy, vampire babies were much like dead vamps; they pretty much slept the day away, which gave Ivy a nice window to run errands (that window, by the way, never stopped her from suckering me into running them for her, using her child whenever she didn't feel like it) and work. However, the runner business isn't exactly known for its steady hours, and I had to do a lot of unscheduled babysitting for her when she got held up kicking some scumbag's ass.

"It's official; I get you about as much as I get your mom, kiddo." I sighed at the crying bundle of ridiculous cuteness in my arm. I had said over a year ago that genetics said this baby would be the cutest thing ever, and boy, I never said anything truer. She looked a lot like Kist, but she had most of Ivy's best features, namely her eyes, and her coloring. Chocolate brown eyes that were undeniably Ivy's, black, black hair that curled into ringlets, just like Kisten's used to, and pale skin; she was stunning, and if her mother ever let her date when she grew up, which I was starting to doubt, Ivy being Ivy, she would break so many hearts.

Now, if only she could stop breaking mine...

"Why are you complaining? You can get her mom anytime you want, little witch." Soft lips brushed against the sensitive skin beneath my ear. Ivy's playful little grey whisper slid down my spine, making me shiver pleasantly instead of jumping out of my skin, like she probably intended when she snuck up on me. She might have succeeded if her daughter on my lap hadn't stopped crying the instant she smelled her mother close by. I let my head loll back over the headrest of the couch until it was parallel to it. Ivy hovered above me, her hair creating a shimmering tunnel that tickled my face. She lowered herself slowly, and our mouths met in a tender kiss. Becky giggled, all traces of crying gone from her cute baby face.

Surprised? Yep, Ivy and I finally got together. Who would've thought?

Once Jenks and I convinced her to keep her baby, and after two months of anxiety and second thoughts, she finally let go, believed and let herself be happy. Even though the circumstances under which she got pregnant were tragic, it was still one of the best things that happened to her, and it did wonders for her. She was finally able to do something good for herself, even according to her own values. She could also finally make peace with her mother, something that, of her own admittance, was a huge relief. They were talking again, catching up, doing mother/daughter stuff again. Mrs Tamwood actually turned out to be a nice grandmother, and seeing a dead vampire spoiling her grandchild was one of the most surprising things I'd ever seen. Maybe she didn't have a soul to love Becky with, but I found out that Ivy's mom still had a strong sense of family. Not as good as love, maybe, but it was enough.

Something else I quickly found out was that a smiling Ivy who didn't constantly guard her emotions and practically glowed with happiness attracted me like a moth to a flame, except for the part where I got burned. I didn't, not even with the constant regimen of hot vampire sex Ivy put me through in the past months. I might have been able to deny what I felt for her when she spent half her time tense enough to snap and the other hating herself, but all that changed over the months, as the smiles and laughter proved to be more than just passing and she finally got the peace she deserved.

Surprisingly little changed when Ivy and I started getting more intimate, only the awkwardness and tension that ruled supreme between us draining away, not the caring or the companionship. Her hunger for blood was suppressed by her pregnancy, taking away the most of the risk and the single most confusion-inducing aspect of our relationship. We had been together for over ten months when her hunger manifested again, but with a steady and satisfying romantic relationship already established between us, it was hardly a bother to integrate a blood balance in the mix. She hadn't gone to anyone else but me for blood since, and neither of us could be happier about it. I barely even bitched anymore when she spiked my coffee with brimstone.

"Missed you." Ivy sighed, delighted, after we broke away, leaving my lips pleasantly tingling. "Did she behave?" She asked, tossing her bag into another chair and extending her arms so I could hand Becky over.

"Thank God you're back." I said with a roll of the eyes, handing the baby girl over to someone she could stand. She was as calm and happy as a baby could be the instant Ivy took her in her arms and kissed her cheek. "She totally hates me." I stated glumly.

"No she does not. I've missed you, too, Angel." She cooed as Becky made a small, joyous baby sound, grasping for Ivy's long, silky hair. She was letting it grow again, its spiky gold tips gone, and I loved it. Nothing beat running my fingers through it while lying next to her after a long bout of lovemaking, when she was asleep and peaceful and so beautiful I could hardly breathe from looking at her.

Ivy turned her attention to me, sensing my glumness. "She does like you, you know." She smiled, and used her free hand to cup my cheek, having tucked Becky securely into the crook of her arm. I moved into her soft touch and I smiled back. God, happiness suited her so well.

"I know." I answered, deadpan serious. "I could always tell by the way she cries rivers whenever I hold her."

"She doesn't do that." She protested, and I gave her a knowing look. "All right, maybe she does, but only when I'm not around." She corrected. "Her sense of smell is just starting to develop. She adores you, but you smell too much like me now. She can't make sense of it, and it freaks her out. It'll pass."

"Yeah..." I pouted, staring at the floor. For all I knew, that could mean six months of feeling like a child molester every time I picked her up... "So, if we stop sleeping together, she stops crying every time I pick her up?"

"Oh, don't even think about it, witch." Ivy cut me off. "You're not moving out of my room, and that's final. You're both going to suck it up like big girls."

"Yesssss misssstressss" I hissed jokingly, earning myself a laugh from Ivy and a strange look from Becky. I swear, she looked too smart for a baby less than a year old. Heck, she looked too smart for a ten year old most of the time, her sharp eyes rarely missing anything.

"I promise she'll get over it before her second year, don't worry." Ivy said as she folded herself into the living room couch, pointing the stereo remote at her elaborate electronics display before dropping it on the coffee table in front of her. Soft, jazzy music rose from the speakers, and I slumped next to her, determined to let the peaceful moment draw out. Almost as soon as I did, Becky tried to crawl off her mother's lap and back onto mine, making an enormous grin spread my lips.

"See, she does like you." Ivy said, gazing tenderly upon the two of us after helping her daughter cross over to me. The baby vamp seemed to be fascinated by the way my frizzy hair kept bouncing when she tugged it, a sight to melt even the coldest of hearts. "What's not to like?" Ivy asked to no one in particular as she moulded herself against my side, slinking her arm around my shoulder and letting her fingers play over my collarbone and my neck. I brought my head to rest in the crook of her neck, enjoying the wonderful mixing of the vampire incenses of both mother and daughter.

Her satisfied, relaxed brand of pheromones wrapped around our happy little family, deepening the intense contentment I already felt. This was almost perfect, only Jenks missing from the picture, but now that Ivy and I had a sex life together, he avoided barging in unannounced. He and his wife were still going on strong, beating every odds thanks to a little bit of demon magic I'd twisted, the reality imbalance I'd added on my soul a minuscule price to pay for their new expanded lifespan. According to their demand, I made sure they wouldn't outlive any of their numerous offsprings, but that still gave them (and me) several more years. I wasn't looking forward to their death, but now that Ivy and I were together, it didn't make me sick with worry. I knew I wouldn't be alone to mourn and move on when the unavoidable happened.

We sat together in comfortable silence, whispering soft nothings to each other, the peaceful moment only broken when Ivy hissed menacingly at Rex when she tried to jump on the couch and get some attention, the orange cat having gotten herself on her bad side the day she scratched Rebecca. It had taken a lot to keep Ivy from gutting the poor animal on the spot, but I'd managed to stop her from doing so. After all, was it Rex's fault Becky had tried to bite her (without teeth, no less)? Not at all, but mommy vampy didn't care about such trivial things as, you know, justice, where her baby girl was concerned. It wasn't all bad, though. Rex now spent so much time freaked out that she actually started to like me. As it turns out, vamps can pull auras on animals too...

"Are you ever going to forgive the poor thing?" I chuckled, pushing the black-eyed, glaring vampire's face towards me before she leapt for the cat's throat. I wanted to stay close like this for a while longer before Becky started demanding breakfast, or the phone rang, demanding we go save the world again, or whatever else filled out our lives between happy moments like this one.

Becky started gesticulating in Ivy's direction. "Do we have time for one more kiss before she gets more vocal than this?" She answered with a smile in her voice just as Becky started crying.

_I guess you won't forgive the cat anytime soon..._

She'd behaved so far, but now, little miss vampire princess was hungry. Ivy rose, shedding her calf-length silk duster as she did, and, with a saucy smile at me, took off her shirt as well, showing off her gorgeous body.

"Ugh, I don't get it. It's been over six months and I still look huge." She said disgustedly, poking at her non-existent gut. As far as I could tell, and I had plenty of firsthand knowledge, her stomach was as tight and taut as ever, her neck slim and long, her arms smooth and just defined enough to hint at her strength. Her small breasts were fuller that before, but she sure wasn't any kind of huge. In fact, she was pretty much perfect in my book.

"Hmm, sure you do." I said, smirking appreciatively. "I mean, you have to be huge to fill those pants." I joked, gesturing towards her leather trousers. They were tight enough to have been painted on. I was pretty skinny, and I would've had a hard time fitting in them.

"Don't joke!" She protested sulkily. "I need to hit the gym more often."

"Ivy," I whined, "if you spend any more time at the gym, you might as well move out and into that place! If you're huge, then there isn't even a ghost of a chance for us mere mortals."

"You look fine. More than fine, you look good enough to eat." She said in a smoky voice that made me want to do things we just couldn't do in front of a baby. It was scary, in a complete turn on kind of way, what Ivy could do to me with just with that dark, silky voice of hers.

"All right, all right, breakfast's here." Ivy muttered, holding her daughter up to her milk-filled breasts. The little vamp immediately begun to suck hungrily on her mom's nipple, the warm, protein-filled fluid satiating her hunger one pull at a time, and I kept my eyes on them during the whole thing. Ivy literally became peace incarnate during those brief moments with her baby, her focus and her love so readily apparent it was inconceivable that she could ever have any doubts about her aptitude as a mother. She made my stomach tight with love, and a little envy. I'd learned about my demonic heritage a while ago, and I now knew that a child of my own was entirely out of the question. It wasn't a constant thorn in my side most of the time, but in moments like this, there was no denying it stung.

"Is something bothering you?" Ivy wondered softly. "Thinking about that demon blood in your vein again?"

"Don't fret it." I answered with a shake of my head, a smile that wasn't entirely faked playing on my lips. The woman knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. Ivy tapped the armrest next to her, gesturing for me to come closer, but I quietly refused, not wanting to interfere with her privileged time.

I stood up, leaving mother and daughter alone in the living room, and walked into our shared bedroom. It used to be Ivy's room, but I'd lived in it long enough to think of it as my own. The scent of my vampire lover was stronger in here than anywhere else in the church, wrapping around me comfortingly, and I settled on my side on the wonderfully scented bed, looking over Ivy's shrine, the place where she kept her collage of pictures and a few mementos, including the urn containing Kisten's ashes. The recent pictures had me, Jenks and Rebecca a lot in them, but also Mrs Tamwood, Mr Randall, Erica, Ceri, Keasley, David. We looked happy. Even more than looked, we were happy. I loved my life with them, and I considered taking a chance with Ivy one of my best decisions ever; anyone who thought otherwise deserved a kick somewhere sensitive.

But there was this bitter sweetness to it as well. Even if I loved Becky like my own daughter, and she loved me like a second mother, she would never truly be mine. I could never have a child to call my own, because to do so would mean stirring the embers of war into a roaring flame again. It was an aching, old wound in my heart, one that would never heal completely, no matter how many nights Ivy spent holding me tenderly or how many times Becky fell asleep in my arms, her absolute trust warming my soul to the core. It was shallow and silly, but the fact remained that she was Ivy's, and as much as I didn't want to think about a possible break-up with her, if things ever went south between us, she would be gone along with Ivy.

The bed barely shifted when Ivy climbed onto it, her arms coming around me to tug me into her, until she was spooned at my back.

"She's sleeping like a baby." Ivy said before I could ask about Becky. Vampires, even dead ones, have a great touch with babies; then again, when you have access to an arsenal of soothing chemicals, some might argue they were cheating.

"I hate seeing you like this, Rachel... You gave everyone around you a chance at happiness. It's not fair that you can't find it for yourself." She said, her grip tightening around my waist in helplessness.

"It's not your fault." I murmured, reaching behind me to stroke her hair, meaning every word. If it wasn't for her, it would've gone a lot worse when I learned of my demonic heritage. I leaned on her for support pretty hard during those bleak weeks, in desperate need of knowing she still loved me for who I was, not the potential destruction I could bring. And she came through like the perfect girlfriend she was.

"I'm lucky, and I know it." I added truthfully. "Don't doubt that."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"You're already doing plenty. You're making me happy."

"I don't feel like I'm doing enough for you most of the time."

"That's because you're a natural. It's too easy for you." I joked, but fell silent when a sliver of pleasure sliced through me. Her lips were on my shoulder, kissing me through the thin material of my shirt. I shifted on the bed until I was on my back, turning my head towards the vampire, unsurprised to have my gaze met by Ivy's concern-filled black eyes. She was playing on my scar, carefully, the offer for some TLC obvious. I gave her a small nod, and she moved to hover on top of me like some dark, merciful goddess.

"I love you." She whispered around a kiss, strands of her hair tickling me, her soft, plump lips making their way down my throat to the pulse on neck. Her sharp little canines made short work of my skin, slicing into me easily and starting to fill me with the cool, blissful fire of ecstasy as she started to pull on the wound. I went limp, letting the sensations take me over and my eyes flutter shut, trusting her to take care of me. It wasn't the safest way to enjoy her bite, but she had proven time and again that her control ran deep. I didn't have a shadow of doubt that she would pull away long before she hurt me, and probably long before I actually wanted her to as well.

She wouldn't take much, but she knew how to pace herself to let the moment draw out; each pull was a soft tug, taking only a small amount of blood from me. She only took enough to blur our auras around the edges and form a loose auratic bond, giving me access to her emotions. Her love washed over me like a tide of warmth, making tears of joy well up from my eyes. The ecstasy was a nice bonus, especially in the middle of sex, but that was it. This feeling, this purity of love was the real reason why I shared blood with Ivy.

I whimpered in protest when she started to pull away, gripping her more tightly in a futile attempt to keep her where she was. I wanted her to take a little more. My head was still perfectly clear; I knew the signs of blood loss, and that I still had a lot more to give, but Ivy never took enough for me to feel the effects of her attentions. She pulled her teeth out of my neck, careful not hurt me as she did, making me miss the icy sharpness in me almost instantly. The feeling of loss abated after only an instant, drowned out by the tenderness in Ivy's gaze.

"Better?" She asked, and I smiled, wiping the moisture from my eyes. No case of the blues could resist her.

"Yeah." I panted, pulling her closer. I wanted to snuggle, and Ivy obliged. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Don't move," she demanded as I reached for a tissue, "I'll clean that up." Ivy dipped her head into the crook of my neck, her mouth finding the clean little bite mark she'd left, thoroughly licking it free of blood until it was little more than a sore spot, all thanks to the healing effects of her saliva.

"We have a great life, Ivy." I said after a long moment of comfortable silence. "It's not perfect, but it is great. We've got the world's greatest kid, and the best friends we could ask for, and we're helping people. I wouldn't give it up for anything. I love you too."

Speaking of helping people, the business phone rang. We glanced at each other, both of us smiling. Time to put the peace on hold, it seemed.

"Ten bucks they found the Justin girl. I'll get it. You change." Ivy rose from the bed, moving, vamp quick, to the kitchen, and very shortly afterwards, the ringing stopped. I got up myself, shrugging out of my jeans and walking to the drawer Ivy had cleared out for me. I pulled out my leather pants and slipped them on, adding a fresh shirt to the mix. My vamp made leather boots, an obscenely comfortable, and expensive, fresh new pair Ivy had bought me from Veronica's Crypt for our first anniversary, went on my feet, and, feeling ready to kick some ass, I strolled into the kitchen. Ivy was still on the phone, clearly speaking to her sister this time if her petulant voice was any indication.

"What do you mean, a raise? This isn't up for debate, Rica! ... Oh, don't try to blackmail me, if you don't want to watch over Rebecca tonight, it's fine by me, we can drop her off with Rachel's mom. I'm sure she'll be happy to do it... for free."

I snickered, loud enough that Erica made me out. Ivy shot me an amused look. My mom, like anyone with a soul, was madly in love with Ivy's little vampire princess. She would squeal with delight indeed if we asked her to babysit Becky while we were on our run. However, baby vamps were homebodies, even more so than their adult counterparts, and leaving Rebecca in a strange place without the reassurance of her mother could get difficult.

"Uh-uh. I knew you'd see reason. See you soon." She said snidely into the phone, and even from a few feet away, I heard the slam of Erica hanging up.

"That was kinda funny, but you could have been a little nicer." I said with little reproach as I made my way to the fridge and pulled out the carton of orange juice. I got a glass from the cupboard, filled it, and handed it to my black-haired vampire. She always took orange juice after she bit me, and the little attentive gesture made her smile. Hey, I knew her as well.

"She's trying to profiteer. I can't let her think she can get away with it, now can I?" She took a deep sip of juice, and gave me a little nod as thanks. "Sit down, I'll braid your hair." She said as she sat down on the corner of her antique table, spinning a chair in front of her. I settled myself in it, and Ivy buried her long fingers in my mass of red curls, efficiently straightening it out. Her work was simple compared to the elaborate braids Jenks and his kids often put together for me, but this would be a snag and drag run, not a social event, and Ivy could handle my hairdo for that just fine. Plus I got to have her play with my hair. Win-win.

"So, your guy found her?" I asked, already expecting the answer. She wouldn't need a babysitter if we weren't going on a run tonight.

"Yes. Another illegal bloodhouse, somewhere in the Hollows." Ivy answered, a dangerous tension underlining her voice. She was rough on vampires who preyed on the underage and the unwilling, and our tag, Kathleen Justin, was snagged on the way back home from her fifteenth birthday party a little over a week ago. She fell neatly into both categories, and that meant there would be hell to pay for anyone responsible. "She's still alive, and as far as he could tell, she wasn't turned."

"Good." A human turned vampire was trouble in this situation, not so much as an actual danger, but because her master would likely make her resist us. It would go a lot smoother if she walked out of the place with us, off her own free will.

"Rachel." Something about the way Ivy said my name made me freeze. "There's something I want to ask, and I don't want you to be nervous."

"Yes?" I answered nervously. Tough luck...

"First of all, before I ask, I need to tell you that I'm not sick, I'm not dying, and there's nothing indicating that may change anytime soon."

I swallowed softly. Reassurances that her first life wasn't coming to an end... It was obvious knew where she was going with this. We were together, there was little to nothing left standing between us. She wanted to know if I'd changed my mind about being her scion.

"Ivy, you promised you wouldn't ask me again." I pleaded. I didn't want to have to hurt her by refusing her again.

"What? Oh, uh, no, this isn't about... that." She muttered, my refusal to be her scion still a sore point in her, albeit not one she ever made me feel guilty about. "I'd like you to become Rebecca's legal guardian. Just in case something happens to me. I got the papers this morning."

My mouth had to be somewhere around my ankles. The trust that entailed, not to mention the responsibility she was asking to place on my shoulders... I finally managed to pull together enough of my scattered wits to answer. "I thought it was impossible for a non-vamp to adopt one." And if it wasn't it still had to be pretty rare. You would see plenty of witches raising humans and weres with baby warlocks, but vampires usually stuck to their own.

"It's rare, but I managed to get it done. All I need is for you to sign... if you want to, of course. You don't need to say yes now. Or at all." She amended nervously. "My mother would be more than happy to take her in if you don't want to, it's no..." I shut her up with a soft finger on her lips.

"I don't need to think about it, Ivy. It's a no brainer. Of course, I do." I whispered, pulling her lips to mine. I kissed her deeply, tasting both citrus and a hint of copper in her mouth. I let my tongue play with the sharp tip of her canines, enjoying both the erotic sharpness and the delirious little moan that escaped the vampire. I knew what made her tick.

"Starting something you don't have time to finish, Rachel? You tease." Her eyes glittered when we broke the kiss. "Now, do you want to sign?"

By the time Erica knocked on the door, far less sullen than I expected, I was officially, and happily, Rebecca Tamwood's legal guardian, and Ivy was more secure than ever in the knowledge that her daughter was safe. We were ready to go rescue our damsel in distress.

"Hello Rache." She said with a little wave, her friendly demeanour contrasting sharply with her somewhat intimidating appearance. Ivy's little sister enjoyed her goth getup, and where most people would pass for vamp wannabes dressing like her, she made it look like she was the one they were trying to emulate. "Is the big bad ugly around?"

"Becky's not that bad." I objected. "I think she just woke up. Ivy's changing her diapers."

"Dork," laughed Erica, "of course she's not that bad. V, on the other hand...

"So I'm the big bad ugly, uh?" Ivy barged in from the other side of the sanctuary, peeved, a sleepy Becky in her arms. "It's the big bad ugly who pays for your evening, my dear, ungrateful little sister. Mind that before you speak."

"All right, all right, I'm sorry, let it go." Erica surrendered, her arms raised in placation. "I was just trying to make a quick buck, it's not like I bit your cat or anything... I'm here now... What's so funny?" She asked me when a sardonic chuckle escaped me.

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking that if you did, you'd probably get your raise."

"Uh. She scratched the baby?" Erica guessed, just as Rex dashed at full speed away from the kitchen, where Ivy had been headed just a minute ago, puffed to at least twice her size in fear. "She scratched the baby. Shall we?"

We made our way to the kitchen, where Ivy was putting the finishing touch to her daughter's change of diaper. She looked downright weird, doing it in her working leathers like that, and I couldn't help but smile. Attentive lover, kickass runner, great mom, she was all at once, and she was mine, just like I was hers; because we choose to belong to one another.

"Don't drool on the floor." Erica whispered mockingly in my ear, noticing me checking out Ivy. "She'll make you clean it up, the tyrant." She knew her big sister heard every word. Teasing was pretty much the name of the game for them.

"Or, I might make you clean it up." Ivy materialised in front of us in a fit of baby laughter, Becky finding her mother's vampire speed far less eerie than I did. She stared directly into her sister's eyes before she handed her precious baby over. "You know the drill?"

"Don't lose, drop, crush, set on fire, put into the microwave, put into the dryer, eat, drown, leave outside, give to strangers, let drive heavy machinery, etcetera, etcetera. I read the labels you slapped on her ass, V, I know what to do." She enumerated in a sarcastically dull monotone, unfazed by her sister's black eyed stare. She took Becky from Ivy, the little vampire totally at ease in her young aunt's arms. "I won't let anything happen to her. Cross my heart."

"All right, then. Let's get going." Ivy seemed satisfied, and we started walking back the way we just came in.

"Whu? Hey! Aren't you forgetting something? Like maybe, my money?!" Erica protested, but Ivy never turned around

"When I come back and this place is still in roughly the same shape, we'll talk."

"Meany!" The younger vamp shouted after us, making Ivy chuckle. "Your mom's a nutjob, kiddo. I don't envy you."

Ivy and I walked outside, side by side, my hand slipping inside of hers. I felt at peace with the world, doing what I loved with a woman I loved by my side. Maybe she is a nutjob, I thought as Ivy slid her lanky build into her Mercedes, the powerful engine roaring to life in the quiet fall air, but I wouldn't want her any other way. I smiled at Ivy, and she smiled right back.

Yeah, life was pretty damn good now, and I intended to keep it that way for a long time.

The end


End file.
